him
by emmasaurus
Summary: Damon has been killed. With nothing else, how does Elena deal with it? WARNING: hard core angst


She was afraid. Not because of what had just happened, oh no. But because she couldn't imagine her life without that one crucial part. _Him_. She didn't know what was going to happen to her. What she was going to do. Or feel.

He was her rock. Her anchor to this crazy world she calls home. Of course, he wasn't always this important. There was a time when it was someone else, but not even ten times the love that she had with that someone else, could compare with the love, the _life_, she had with _him_.

As she sat there, rocking back and forth with her arms wrapped desperately around her legs, she stared down at his body. Once full of life, of sarcasm and loneliness, it was now an empty shell. Sprawled across the mushy damp ground of the wood, wearing his trademark black shirt and jeans, with one arm across his chest and the other on the ground beside him. Beside her. His face, framed with black, feather like hair, was more porcelain-white than usual. His lips were slightly parted, with the ghost of his last smirk etched upon them.

But the one thing that haunted her most was his eyes. Those piercing icy-blue eyes that were once filled with a fire, a fire that consumed her every time she stared into those tragically old eyes. The eyes that filled with complete and utter love and adoration whenever they looked at her. But now, the only thing left of those marvellous eyes were a couple of cold, blue orbs. They stared into nowhere. Glazed over, nothingness. Never to look at her again. And as she looks down, directly into those lifeless eyes, her own filled with that same love and adoration that once graced his, she knows. She will never be able to let him go. Never. She will never move on, after all, what is her life without him? Where will she go? What will she do?

Anger began to bubble up inside her as tears blurred her vision. Anger at the world. Anger at _him_.

"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?" she screamed. Her voice turning hoarse. She stood up, pacing back and forth on the ground beside him.

"WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!" she continued. Her voice broke finally with a sob and she started weeping as she collapsed on her knees beside the dead man that she loved still, with all her heart. As she looked down at him, now freely sobbing, her eyes stopped on the wooden stake that was protruding from where his heart was meant to be. Her hand gripped it and she yanked it out with all of her might and drew her arm back to throw it, as hard as she could out of her field of vision. But something made her stop, and she stared at the weapon. She considered it for awhile. Such a small, insignificant piece of wood to ruin a life. A future. This piece of wood killed _him_. Her anger reached its peak as she snapped the stake in half and threw the pieces far away.

Her whole body seemed to keel over with the growing grief and inane sadness welling up inside her at an alarming rate. The anger was gone, and she buried her head into his chest, soaking his bloody shirt with tears. Her hands gripping the fabric like a lifeline. She stayed like this for what seemed like hours, she didn't know. Time always seemed not important when she was with him. When she looked up finally she was still weeping. She didn't know when she would stop. She didn't care.

"Why did you leave me?" she asked, her voice weak and vulnerable.

"Why did you leave me? You promised you never would. You p-promised." she sobbed as fresh tears fell onto her pretty face. Her head fell to his neck as she sobbed harder, repeating those two words over and over - "You promised, you promised, you promised". She grabbed his hand and felt the ring that he wore always on his finger. Her fingers felt the cold metal as they stroked it. She didn't know why, but that ring sparked a ray of light in her heart that she reached out and tried to grab as she fought with her doubts. But, ultimately, it was her pure, unadulterated love for him that gave her the strength to latch onto that ray of hope and trap it.

"Please. Come back to me." she whispered finally. "Please"

She stared into his eyes, the cold, blue orbs, hoping. Still hanging onto that one thread of hope, she continued,

"Please. Come back to me, because I love you. Because you love me, and you'd do anything for me. So please." she took two deep breaths in an attempt to stop crying so hard.

"Do this for me."

She looked hard into his eyes. Hanging onto that hope. And like that she waited, finally not crying anymore, waiting for a response. Anything. An eye twitch, a hand movement. Something to quell her fear, her grief, her impending loneliness.

And when none came, she felt herself falling away. He was her rock, she was the balloon. She was tied to her rock, which kept her from floating away. And as that rock was fading, she felt light. In no way did she feel happy. She felt as if she was being pulled away. Spiralling into a state of insanity which put everything into perspective.

And suddenly, she wasn't afraid anymore. She looked up at the stars in the now darkened sky. She knew what she had to do. She stood up with a newfound strength and determination. She knelt, and with her supernatural strength grabbed his body and slung him over her shoulder.

Through the wood she walked. Towards the place where it all began. The place where she had first lost everything. The place where she had seemingly died twice but never managed to stay dead.

On she walked, until finally she got there, Wickory Bridge. The place that had been so influential in her messed up life that she couldn't just ignore it. She walked to the middle of the bridge and gently set his body down on the concrete, making sure his arms and legs were in a comfortable position. She leaned out across the railing and gazed at the reflections of the stars on the water. Watching the ripples mutate the shapes of the shadows and points of light into wavering lines of glittering unreality.

For hours she stared, thinking. Thinking over her life and purpose. When she looked deep inside herself, she saw that she had no purpose, no life without him. Finally, after reaching a conclusion, she sat down next to him, and took his ring off his cold hand. She put it to her lips before taking her own off, and bouncing them both in her palm. No matter what people said, she and him were bound together by destiny, fate, call it what you will. They were perfect for each other, though their relationship was full of flaws. They fought a lot, and had their ups and downs. He drove her crazy, but in a good way. Their love, however, was indeed flawless. Their love was pure. They both felt it with all their hearts. It was just them in their imperfect-perfect little bubble.

She removed the bracelet from her wrist, the bracelet that he had given her.

'_So that you can remember me always_', he had said.

She got their rings and linked them with the bracelet, forming a chain. She gripped it hard as she looked down into his eyes, with the stars reflecting off them, making her breathless. After awhile, she looked up at the sky and saw it was beginning to turn pink with the new rays of dawn coming through.

Hurriedly, she wiped her tears with the back of her hand and said,

"So. I guess this is where it ends. I don't have any purpose in my life anymore. I will live forever, and I can't live with this pain for eternity, I just can't."

She stood and held out the bracelet chain at arms length over the river she took a deep breath. This was it. No turning back. As she let go of the rings she felt a sob rise up out of her throat and escape her lips. She watched as they plopped into the water and disappeared, to stay on the bottom of the lake together forever.

The sun was getting nearer and nearer. She sat back down and through her tears, she blindly reached for his hand and gripped it. She waited.


End file.
